hello insomnia, i never thought we’d meet.

life was so much easier when i thought there was a higher power that could help out. i miss it, that comfort. the meditation of repeating “hail mary, full of grace…” not really thinking about the words but hoping that they’d work. of catching my breath and losing my worries in words. the naive idea that speech alone could fix something; that it could lift up a burden so you can feel light again. 

now, instead, i go on the internet and look for comfort through yahoo answers or message boards full of crazies. and i feel worse worse worse. my neck breaks out in hives. i find myself sleeping with my head where the feet go with the light on, thinking, “maybe this will help.”

there is a yellow post-it stuck on the monitor of my computer that reads: “Projections: Religion—doesn’t count.” sometimes i really wish it did. i need a little peace these days.

I’m so hung over my toes hurt

Did I miss anything?-Tom Wayman

Nothing. When we realized you weren’t here

we sat with our hands folded on our desks
in silence, for the full two hours

     Everything. I gave an exam worth
     40 percent of the grade for this term
     and assigned some reading due today
     on which I’m about to hand out a quiz
     worth 50 percent

Nothing. None of the content of this course
has value or meaning
Take as many days off as you like:
any activities we undertake as a class
I assure you will not matter either to you or me
and are without purpose

     Everything. A few minutes after we began last time
     a shaft of light suddenly descended and an angel
     or other heavenly being appeared
     and revealed to us what each woman or man must do
     to attain divine wisdom in this life and
     the hereafter
     This is the last time the class will meet
     before we disperse to bring the good news to all people
          on earth.

Nothing. When you are not present
how could something significant occur?

     Everything. Contained in this classroom
     is a microcosm of human experience
     assembled for you to query and examine and ponder
     This is not the only place such an opportunity has been
          gathered

     but it was one place

     And you weren’t here

this is just a thought i just had—i swear i’m not trying to be poetic

i waste so much time thinking about all the time i’ve already wasted. 

also this is a picture of the art institute.

Everyone in new york city seems kind of sick of new york city.

Stuff that Jon Dompeling says.

I will personally buy six kegs per person.

I wonder if I could train myself to do things like laundry and the dishes while sleepwalking. Then I’d have more time to do nothing.

I haven’t posted in a long time because I, like Fiona Apple, have been incredibly happy.